Thursday, June 19, 2008

Okay, Lord, I hear you loud and clear

This week has not been very good. I have been sick. I rarely get really sick and it is so frustrating when it happens. It started Sunday night with, as my mom called, the "ache-all-overs" and progressed to puking in the middle of the night with a severe headache. Needless to say, I got little sleep and was feeling horrible the next morning. Jeremy was wonderful to work at home until about 10:00, but he's so busy with work and meetings that he had to go in at that time. So, he left me on the couch with an extremely crabby (and sassy, i might add) 3 year old. All morning I was having a pity party about how Elise doesn't have a grandma or aunt in town that I could call at that last minute to send her to so I could just rest and not have to deal with her. The pity and frustration grew as her behavior got worse through the day. And then it happened. God sent me a blaring message to stop complaining and appreciate what he has given me. That afternoon, my friend Martha called to say hello. I told her how I was feeling and without hesitation, she offered (more like insisted) that I bring Elise over the next morning. A little later, I got a voicemail from Joy who had heard I was sick and was offering to take Elise for me if I needed her to. She even offered to take her to the park - and she is about to give birth and was willing to go to the park in 95 degree heat! Shortly after that, another good friend, Heather, texted me to see if I needed some ginger ale or crackers or anything else she could bring over for me - and she just had twins!!
This week has showed me 2 very important things. One, I need to be more willing to go out of my way for others and two, I absolutely have family here.

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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Dream

I had it last night. That awful dream that has haunted me for well over the past ten years. The dream that doesn't want to go away. The dream that wakes me up in a cold sweat and a heavy feeling that I'm left with for at least a few hours. The school dream.

The dream circumstances, people, and events are always different, but the sinking feeling of stress, unpreparedness, and sheer panic are always present. Now matter how many years have passed since I have been out of school, I keep having these dreams. My life is still mostly lived with deadlines, but never like I experienced in high school and college. And it still haunts me.

This time the dream was a mixture of high school and college pressures. Usually my dreams involve only one of the two. But not last night. My high school dreams tend to find me stressing out at my locker trying to remember what class I have to go to next and what folder and notebook need to come along for that class. I also need to remember what additional books and notebooks need to come along for my classes to follow in case they are on the same end of the school with no time for another locker trip. This stress is compounded by the fact that I have to remember all this and get to my class within two minutes before the tardy bell rings. I would have had five minutes to figure it out, but I was quite the social butterfly and spent most time in between class periods talking to friends. Apparently, this seems to have been the most stressful part of my high school career - not grades, term papers, or social pressure.

In last night's dream, after I was finally able to find the right folders and notebooks, I headed off to my next class. This all took place in the halls of my beloved high school alma mater, but as I reached my class, I suddenly found myself in a college classroom with college friends. I took my seat and vaguely recalled something about a quiz that day. Or so I thought. Sitting in front of my roommate, I turned and asked her about it. Nope, not a quiz, but a test. A big test. I hadn't studied let alone read ANY of the chapters it was to cover. The panic began to take hold. I turned again to ask my roommate more about it, but stopped quickly noticing the look on her face and her demeanor. She and I were quite competitive and I could tell that she was not too thrilled about helping me out when I hadn't put the work into it. I think this is the point that I was finally put out of my misery by waking up.

The details of the dream are starting to slowly fade, but the anxious feeling still lingers. I don't know why I continue to have these dreams after all these years, but I know others do as well. Hopefully, they will fade with time, but until then I wait for the next one.

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Thursday, June 05, 2008

Random Picture Day: Staring Contest

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