Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Dream

I had it last night. That awful dream that has haunted me for well over the past ten years. The dream that doesn't want to go away. The dream that wakes me up in a cold sweat and a heavy feeling that I'm left with for at least a few hours. The school dream.

The dream circumstances, people, and events are always different, but the sinking feeling of stress, unpreparedness, and sheer panic are always present. Now matter how many years have passed since I have been out of school, I keep having these dreams. My life is still mostly lived with deadlines, but never like I experienced in high school and college. And it still haunts me.

This time the dream was a mixture of high school and college pressures. Usually my dreams involve only one of the two. But not last night. My high school dreams tend to find me stressing out at my locker trying to remember what class I have to go to next and what folder and notebook need to come along for that class. I also need to remember what additional books and notebooks need to come along for my classes to follow in case they are on the same end of the school with no time for another locker trip. This stress is compounded by the fact that I have to remember all this and get to my class within two minutes before the tardy bell rings. I would have had five minutes to figure it out, but I was quite the social butterfly and spent most time in between class periods talking to friends. Apparently, this seems to have been the most stressful part of my high school career - not grades, term papers, or social pressure.

In last night's dream, after I was finally able to find the right folders and notebooks, I headed off to my next class. This all took place in the halls of my beloved high school alma mater, but as I reached my class, I suddenly found myself in a college classroom with college friends. I took my seat and vaguely recalled something about a quiz that day. Or so I thought. Sitting in front of my roommate, I turned and asked her about it. Nope, not a quiz, but a test. A big test. I hadn't studied let alone read ANY of the chapters it was to cover. The panic began to take hold. I turned again to ask my roommate more about it, but stopped quickly noticing the look on her face and her demeanor. She and I were quite competitive and I could tell that she was not too thrilled about helping me out when I hadn't put the work into it. I think this is the point that I was finally put out of my misery by waking up.

The details of the dream are starting to slowly fade, but the anxious feeling still lingers. I don't know why I continue to have these dreams after all these years, but I know others do as well. Hopefully, they will fade with time, but until then I wait for the next one.

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At 3:32 PM, Blogger Ari said...

Kim, I have the same dream! But mine are always that I can't remember my locker combination or my schedule of what class to go to when. And I always wake up so disoriented! So you think we had too much pressure on ourselves in school? :-)

At 7:00 PM, Blogger Jen said...

Were you naked? I'm always naked as I wonder the halls of CCHS looking for my locker.


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